divorce tips

Mindful Divorce

Avoid unnecessary pitfalls by staying focused during your divorce.  Be mindful of your decisions, the present, and your divorce.  Focus on your goals, the information you need to understand and the things that are most important to you in your divorce.  You will be better able to make decisions and move forward.  You don’t want to get sidetracked during this time.  Stay mindful about what you are saying and thinking regarding your divorce to avoid some of these pitfalls:

Avoid thinking that now it will all be different.

When different means better in your mind – avoid thinking that.  Don’t think your spouse will be different (better), act differently or talk to you differently now that you are getting a divorce.  Different does not equal better in this case.  Your spouse will not be different or act different during your divorce.  And, sometimes your spouse’s behavior will get worse or you will find out that it has been much worse than you thought, during the marriage.  Your spouse isn’t going to change during divorce into a better version of themselves.

Avoid making decisions emotionally.

Divorce is untangling yourselves from each other both emotionally and literally.  It is a business transaction in some ways because of asset and debts, transactions and account.  And, it is emotional at some time on some level for everybody.  Get good counsel and support and do your best decision making from the business perspective.

Avoid keeping your head in the sand.

Every marriage has a division of labor – it is the nature of it.  So, if you handled finances and your spouse handled the children, it is now time to jump in to figuring out the business of your children. If you traveled for business extensively and your spouse ran the family calendar, go ahead and start figuring out how to manage your business calendar and your family calendar on a system that works for you.  It is time to jump in.  There is no time to avoid your life while you are in a divorce.  Get good support around you and take the plunge.

 

Jill O’Connell

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