Divorce Lawyer’s Perspective


What Not to Expect from your Divorce Lawyer

There are times that being a family law attorney is tough.  For instance, those pesky things that the Judge can’t do anything about are often the hardest.  But, apart from the unusually difficult cases, there are some things that you shouldn’t expect your lawyer to do, in any case.  Your lawyer’s perspective is different that your perspective.  Generally in a family law case, you should expect your lawyer to look at your case through her experience and education and work towards a conclusion to your divorce.  Don’t expect your attorney to change your spouse, make your spouse do the ‘right thing’ or focus only on your feelings.

Lawyers are Lawyers

Lawyers are trained as negotiators, mediators, advocates, advisors, counselors about legal issues but we aren’t magicians.  We can’t make the past disappear and we can’t change who you married.  We will work with your story (the facts) and the people (both you and your soon to be ex-spouse) as you come into our offices.  We can’t change your spouse from who they are.  Also, your spouse isn’t going to agree with you or see things your way just because you have hired an attorney.  If you and your spouse argued because she was a ‘saver’ and you are a ‘spender’, your lawyer won’t be able to change her from a ‘saver’ through the divorce process, agreements or terms of the divorce.  And, chances are good that some of those same issues will be the most difficult issues in the divorce.

Do the Right Thing

Lawyers can’t make your spouse do the right thing.  The ‘right thing’ is like the f-word in divorce: ‘FAIR’.   Each person sees ‘the right thing’ from their own perspective.  It is personal to them.  Just like the ‘right thing’ is personal to you.  Your lawyer’s perspective is toward resolving the ‘right thing’ issue in whatever way is necessary – agreement, hearing, mediation or trial are a few options she is probably considering.

Lawyers Have Feelings Too!

It may feel like your lawyer doesn’t care how you feel.  But, remember your lawyer has a job to do.  Your lawyer’s perspective is looking to the resolution of the legal issues.  She will probably ask specifically how you feel on some issues, but remember that’s not the job you hired her to do.  We aren’t trained to help you with mental health.  You hired your lawyer to negotiate, draft documents, argue on your behalf, appear in hearings and generally, navigate your divorce for you.  Your feelings are real and they are important, but you should share them with the people who can help you in that area like a counselor, friend or other people who are your supporters.

Divorce and Family law issues are hard.  Find an attorney who will work with you towards your resolution.  Call today for an appointment with Jill O’Connell, 940-497-5454.