One on Wednesday™ –
Covid Coparenting
Jill O’Connell:
What if you and your co-parent or soon to be ex, don’t agree about issues that have come up because of COVID-19, regarding your children. It could be a child who is 16 and older, and the question is about whether or not the vaccination is a good choice for that child. Or it could be schooling in the future. Some of our local school districts have created specifically online campuses and the options are varied through the districts and schools.
First thing to do is review your divorce decree. See if any of these specific questions or rights to make decisions regarding these things have been addressed in your decree. It may be that there are provisions for ways to make decisions if you and your co-parent don’t agree. If so, then you’re great.
If you don’t have any of those provisions, you can consider some other ways to reach an agreement with your co-parent. You could try to reach an agreement yourselves. If you haven’t been successful with that, you could also attempt mediation on that specific issue. Mediation is not just for divorces to avoid a final trial, it can be used on some particular issues as well. And if all else fails and you’ve attempted everything that you think you can attempt without consulting an attorney, consult an experienced family law and divorce attorney, and find out what your options are for resolving those issues.
I’m Jill O’Connell. This is One on Wednesday.
One on Wednesday™ –
Parenting Issues Prep
Jill O’Connell:
If you’re having issues with your ex-spouse, your co-parent after a divorce in Texas, keep a log of everything that’s going on. You can do it however is easiest for you, paper, a notebook, on a written calendar, your favorite app. But keep a log of everything, so that when you talk to an attorney, they can get a clear picture of what’s going on and advise you what is best for you moving forward. Maybe it’s a modification, maybe it’s an enforcement. In Texas, those are two post-divorce options to deal with child and parent issues. But keeping a log lets you give a very clear picture to your attorney when you meet with them. I’m Jill O’Connell. This is One on Wednesday.
One on Wednesday™ –
Expanded Standard Visitation
Jill O’Connell:
What’s expanded standard visitation? I’m Jill O’Connell and we’re going to talk about that today. Expanded standard in a Texas case is going to be some options that one conservator can choose, either conservator can choose or request an alternate beginning or ending time for possession with a child or children, in a case.
Jill O’Connell:
What can that look like? It can mean instead of picking up your kids at 6:00 PM, that you can pick them up after school. And instead of returning them on Sunday night at 6:00 PM, you return them to school on a Monday morning. You can even apply those beginning and ending times to holidays, including school holidays, and over the course of a year, and many years, those overnights can really add up to being quite a bit more time with your kids.
Jill O’Connell:
If that’s something that sounds interesting to you, and having more time that’s maybe something that works around your schedule, versus a week on and week off, or some other things you may have considered, you should talk to your attorney about that. If you’ve got questions about it, and you don’t have an attorney, I’m happy to visit with you about it. I’m Jill O’Connell, this is One on Wednesday™. You can reach me at 972-203-6644. I’m in Lewisville, Texas.
One on Wednesday™ –
Tips For Online Divorce Consultation
Jill O’Connell:
This is One On Wednesday™. I’m Jill O’Connell. Thanks for joining me for another episode.
Jill O’Connell:
As we moved into 2021, we were coming on almost a year of conducting meetings and consultations with clients using online platforms. I have primarily used Zoom, but I do offer other online platforms. In using Zoom and other online meeting tools, I have gotten to the place where I’ve got some best practices and some tips I give clients and I’d like to share those with you today.
Jill O’Connell:
The first one is make sure if at all possible that you can get to a place where you can speak freely, confidently, share private information as needed with your attorney. Now if that’s an initial consultation, sometimes those consultations can get to be very emotional and talk about some real, maybe painful information that you need to share with the lawyer about why you’re visiting with that lawyer on that day. If it’s a divorce consultation, there’s usually some time where you talk about why you’ve chosen to pursue divorce right now, or if you’ve been the recipient of a request for divorce, or the recipient of an initial pleading in a divorce, those are moments that are typically difficult to share and difficult to talk about within those first meetings with your attorney. So try and find a place where you can confidently, privately share anything you might need to with your attorney.
Jill O’Connell:
Now sometimes you’re at home. Your kids are doing online school. Your spouse is also doing online Zoom meetings with work. We’re all in the same place most of the time. Isn’t that right? Well, that’s why I come to this office because that’s what’s happening at my house and there’s not enough broadband for everybody to do everything they need to do. But that’s for another day. If you can, get to another place. If you have to step out, step outside, just say to your attorney, “Hey, I’m outside. I’m taking a walk.” Whatever that is, your attorney’s going to understand. I absolutely understand every time somebody shares that with me.
Jill O’Connell:
One other tip is if you need to, just get in your car. If you’ve got to drive to a parking lot, park, talk to your lawyer and then head home, do it. Zoom, if you’re using Zoom, has an app. Download the app. That makes it easier. In fact, I’m even mediated with people who’ve been in their car all day, because that was the best location for them. But regardless, you can do it in your car. If you have to re-schedule, your attorney’s going to understand. We understand that everybody is undergoing some new normals, some different experiences. It’s not as easy to just get in your car, drive, have an appointment with your lawyer and then drive back to where you were.
Jill O’Connell:
That’s my number one tip. Make sure you can share everything you need to from a location that is going to be helpful to you.
Jill O’Connell:
My second tip is lighting. Today I’ve got lighting. I’ve got a window. You can, I think, see some shadows there. I’ve got a window over here. Sometimes I have to just close that as much as I can so that A, my eyes aren’t either squinted so much to make sure that I can see the camera. Secondly, I’ve got to make sure I do have some light on my face. The most difficult time for us as attorneys and anybody, quite frankly, in an online meeting, is when the person who you’re meeting with is a silhouette. So I try to make sure that my clients can see my face and that I can see theirs. Sometimes that is hard in a car. I absolutely understand that. But if at all possible you can try and figure that out that you can maybe get some light at least so the attorney can see your face, because that is important for us. When we’re having that first meeting with you, we certainly want to be able to get to know you and that is part of it is seeing your face, hearing your voice.
Jill O’Connell:
Those are my two tips for you today in those online consultations with your divorce attorney or other family law attorney, and even an online consultation with a mediator, a pre-mediation conference, as well as mediation, quite frankly. I am going to give you some other tips in an upcoming episode, specifically for mediation, but hopefully these tips will help you as you move forward.
Jill O’Connell:
If I can help you and have a consultation with you because you’ve got some questions, I’m happy to do so. You can reach me at 972-203-6644.
One on Wednesday™ –
Holiday Co-Parenting Tips
Jill O’Connell:
I’m Jill O’Connell. This is One on Wednesday. Thanks for joining me today. Today, I’ve got a great guest with me. She is a family law attorney in Albany, New York. Her name is Lauren Hunt. She is on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook. You can find her website, laurenhuntesq.com. And that is probably the same handle she’s got on all social media. I know it definitely is on Instagram. And I have asked her to join me today to talk about some co-parenting tips for this upcoming season. Lauren, if you haven’t seen her on Instagram, go find her. She’s always got great tips on co-parenting and a lot of other areas in family law. She does collaborative law. She mediates. Anyway, I think she’s great. And she is a great resource for tips and her insights into what can go on in conflict with kids and divorce. So she’s got a few tips for us today about co-parenting for this upcoming season. Thanks for joining me Lauren, I’m so happy to chat with you today.
Lauren Hunt:
Not a problem at all. Thank you so much for having me on. It’s so nice to actually be able to connect after following each other and engaging on all of our lovely social media platforms.
Jill O’Connell:
Yeah. Our paths crossed on so many, so many different places. I agree. So great to actually chat with you in person. And I was looking forward to it because again, I think you have great insight. And as a family law practitioner, we all endeavor to advocate for our clients, but your insight is always really helpful for those co-parenting situations that I think so many of our clients and people find themselves in sometimes.
Lauren Hunt:
You know, co-parenting is just it’s an ongoing endeavor, right? It’s not a one and done thing like a divorce, right? You distribute the property, you figure out support. You’re done most of the time. Co-parenting is that ongoing process. And especially, you know, I’m a child of divorced parents, I know it from both as an attorney… The perspective of an attorney, but also the perspective of a child. So I’m thrilled to be on today to talk about some co-parenting things for the upcoming holidays, which you know, very different holiday season is coming upon us, right?
Jill O’Connell:
Right, right. We talked about a couple of tips, you and I just a few minutes ago. What is your, what is your first tip? What is your favorite one?
Lauren Hunt:
Well, I think favorite is all relative, but especially for this upcoming holiday season, I think the most important one is to think… Before you enter the conversation with your co-parent think about what it is… what points you want to convey, right? You need to keep it focused, especially when it’s a higher conflict relationship, you need to keep your communication focused to the exact points that you need to convey in order to achieve the result you want. So for example, if your… if your actual concern is, “I wanted to make sure that my children are safe while they’re with their parent, my co-parent.” What your goal is, is understanding what’s your co-parents COVID precautions, right?
Jill O’Connell:
Right.
Lauren Hunt:
So that’s your goal. And then when you’re writing your communication or engaging in your phone call, everything just needs to be focused on that goal. And if your communication is veering off into other areas, you just have to be able to note that to yourself and redirect yourself back to your goal. You know how they say all roads lead to Rome, right?
Jill O’Connell:
Right.
Lauren Hunt:
All communication has to lead you back to your goal. And so, I think this kind of ties into my second point, the shorter the communication the better. You don’t need when you’re engaging in communication… What I see so frequently, and I’m sure what you see so often is, these long email chains where each party is trying to rebut the statements or correct the statements or call the other person out.
Jill O’Connell:
Yes.
Lauren Hunt:
That just creates tons of noise, right? You just got to cut through… I mean, jeez, we’re human. It’s hard sometimes to want to restrain ourselves, but you have to, right? You have to boil your communications down to the who, what, where, when, why. And so all communication, just has to lead directly to your goal. So again, with this upcoming holiday season, if your goal is,” I want to know what your plans are for COVID precautions. I want to know who our kids are going to be potentially exposed to.” Then that’s your goal in your communication, and anything else about, you know maybe,” I know you’ve been terrible at following COVID precautions.” Just take that out, keep it focused on your goal.
Jill O’Connell:
I agree. So many of those emotional issues… And again, in this year with COVID, we all are a little bit on edge. We’re tired of the requirements. We’re tired of hearing about the precautions. So emotions are a little bit frayed, and we’re just a little bit more exposed than we would in a normal season. So I agree with those because removing that emotional layer can just help you keep that focus on your goal, that should be in that question, your kids. And that one that you’re communicating with is your ex now. So you don’t have to engage with them maybe in a way that you might have in the past and just focus on what the question is, or the who, what, where, when, why about the kids? Yeah, I think that be great.
Lauren Hunt:
You know, so many times I see parents who write these emails and they think,” Yes I stripped my communication down to just what I needed to.” And then I review it. I’m like,” Well, you could really take out a lot more.” So my sort of… I guess my third tip is, write your email or write your… whatever method of communication. Write it, pause for a few minutes, maybe 20 minutes, maybe an hour, maybe overnight and then reread it. Is there anything else you can strip out? Because especially when you’re going into the holiday season. I mean, it’s a season of cheer. It’s a season of goodwill. It’s a season of thanks. You want to try and do what you can to avoid creating a huge dispute, because that is going to filter down to the kids, no matter how much you try to avoid it, trust me, they do.So definitely, especially in this upcoming season, just take that extra effort to remove that additional layer if it’s present.
Jill O’Connell:
Yes. Well, those are great. And I like how they all come under that umbrella of just removing that extra layer that might not be necessarily during this time when you’re focusing on the kids. I like that.
Lauren Hunt:
Thank you. Thank you. And there was one more that I wanted to share and it was just, so how I talked about, although all communications should lead to your goal, right?
Jill O’Connell:
Yeah.
Lauren Hunt:
When you’re communicating, at least in the first instance. Let’s say you’re starting off that email of,” Hey, I want to talk about what precautions you’re taking for the upcoming holiday.” If you’re in a bit more of a high conflict relationship, you might also want to think about, well what do I have to be prepared for for the response, right? Because sometimes that response can be hard to receive, right? Maybe it’s angry. Maybe it’s all over the place. Maybe there’s no response. So I think sometimes preparing also mentally and emotionally for what you could receive back is helpful. So that if you do receive something back, it doesn’t destroy your own inner peace or your enjoyment of the holiday. And I think that’s a really important piece just again, going into the holiday season to find a way to preserve it for yourself.
Jill O’Connell:
Yeah. Yeah. And I think it ties back with your earlier thought, which again, when you received that email. If you receive an email back that has an emotional layer, you might just do the same thing to that response that you might’ve done to your own, right? Just sort of remove that part, and don’t think about it. Get, get down to the facts. And if the paragraph at the beginning or a sentence in a paragraph or sentences at the end that are emotional and not on point, don’t consider them, don’t give them a lot of thought.
Lauren Hunt:
And I… That’s exactly what I’ve actually suggested to some clients in the past, and a few of them have actually taken me up on it. Is print out the email, take a Sharpie, cross off everything that’s not actually related to the communication. And then that… You know, the communication that’s leading to your goal. And then reread the email, and only respond to those points.
Jill O’Connell:
Yeah. Very good point. I like it. I like it.
Lauren Hunt:
Because then you don’t have that temptation, right?
Jill O’Connell:
No. Yeah, yeah. And you’re not going to… Yeah, it absolutely removes all of that. Yeah. You’re not going to get caught up in stuff that you didn’t want to get caught up with to begin with. Yeah, for sure.
Jill O’Connell:
Well, Lauren, thanks for chatting with me today. I really appreciate it. This is One on Wednesday. I’m Jill O’Connell again, this is Lauren Hunt. She’s got her firm in Albany, New York and you can find her on social media at Lauren Hunt, Esq. So that’s Lauren Hunt Esquire, and her website is the same. Thanks for joining me.
One on Wednesday™ –
Divorce & Bankruptcy
Jill O’Connell:
Hi, I’m Jill O’Connell and this is One on Wednesday™. Joining me today is Theda Page an attorney who works in both family law and bankruptcy to talk to us about a somewhat common issue when those two worlds collide. Theda has her own office, The Page Law Firm. And I just want to say, thanks for joining me today Theda.
Theda Page:
Hey Jill, thanks for inviting me to chat with you.
Jill O’Connell:
Well, I am looking forward to it. As I said to you, I don’t do many cases with family law and bankruptcy at the same time. So I am looking forward to what you’ve got to say to folks who find themselves wanting or needing a divorce when they’re in the middle of a Chapter 13 bankruptcy.
Theda Page:
And it does happen. A lot of times I tell people sometimes when people come to see me about a bankruptcy, it’s not surprising if a husband and wife are kind of sniping at each other because, I mean, money problems can lead to a divorce. And so sometimes I tell people, a bankruptcy might save your marriage. But that doesn’t always happen because a Chapter 13 it’s a repayment plan of your debts. And it’s anywhere from a three to a five-year repayment plan. Even though time flies, three to five years can be a long time when you’re trying to work together on money matters. So sometimes in the middle of that, people decide, I want out of the marriage, I’m going to go get a divorce.
Theda Page:
And so they go hire a divorce lawyer, but they’re in the middle of a Chapter 13. You have to do what’s called, lift the bankruptcy stay, that’s your bankruptcy protection from creditors, in order to proceed with your divorce. Because your divorce is dividing your assets and your liabilities, but you’re over here in bankruptcy in federal court. And the federal court has jurisdiction over your assets and your liability. So you may think this is easy, it’s straightforward, but the judge in a state court is going to say to your lawyer, “I’m sorry, Mr. Jones, I’m really going to need to see that order from the federal court that says that I can proceed to get you and Mrs. Jones divorced.” It’s not a hard process in the bankruptcy court to get the stay lifted, but you do have to do it. There is a filing fee associated with it. There’s a motion that has to be filed. Your creditors and all parties and interests have to be given notice that you want the bankruptcy stay lifted because you want to get a divorce.
Theda Page:
Then once you get that divorce, as you’re trying to sort out who gets the knives, who gets the forks, who gets the cars, who’s going to pay for the guards, who’s going to pay for the kids, you also have to figure out, what are we going to do with his Chapter 13 bankruptcy? I’ve had some instances where one party, because both of them really do want that bankruptcy discharge, one party will say, “As part of the divorce, I’m going to agree to keep making the bankruptcy payments so that we can finish our bankruptcy case and get a discharge.” And so I have seen divorce decrees that say, “Mr. Jones will make that bankruptcy payment.” So that, that way they do have the benefit of the process that they started. I’ve also seen situations where they decide they’re going to get a divorce and they decide, okay, we’re going to split the bankruptcy payment. And one person doesn’t pay their half, and then the case gets dismissed.
Jill O’Connell:
So the bankruptcy gets totally dismissed.
Theda Page:
Yeah, because somebody didn’t hold up their end of the bargain. And then they might on the other side of the divorce, the good thing, if the case gets dismissed, you don’t have to get the stay lifted, but then, not only do you have a divorce, but now you have creditors coming after you. So you’ve created more chaos in an already chaotic situation.
Jill O’Connell:
Right. And understanding, way more stress, more issues with all of that, that you were trying to deal with and potentially on your way to handling, if you were already in that bankruptcy. Right?
Theda Page:
Right.
Jill O’Connell:
If someone had to get the stay lifted and file the motion, give notice to the creditors, how long does that typically take?
Theda Page:
It can be a quick process because you have to give everybody notice and they have 14 days to object. And typically, no one’s going to object to that. And so you can get your order entered pretty quickly. So if you want to say, from the time you retain a lawyer to file that motion to lift-stay, until you have an order, it might be three weeks or less. So it’s not something that’s going to drag out the divorce.
Jill O’Connell:
That is good news, yeah. In your practice do you focus more on family law or bankruptcy?
Theda Page:
I focus more on bankruptcy.
Jill O’Connell:
But for those people who find themselves, then in that situation, you could do both parts?
Theda Page:
It depends, because as you well know, a divorce is a lawsuit and those two parties have different interests. And so those two people can’t have the same lawyer. And even though I could get a waiver from a client that says, “We know you represented both of us in the bankruptcy. Now we want you to represent one of us in the divorce.” I usually like both of my clients, and so I really don’t want to do that. But there have been instances where I’ve helped them because I’ve only represented one person in a bankruptcy. And then that person decides their bankruptcy is over, I want a divorce now.
Theda Page:
In fact, I have a client like that. She was my bankruptcy client 10 years ago. I did not represent her husband. I only represented her in the bankruptcy. And she came back 10 years later and said, “I had so much fun with you in that bankruptcy. Let’s do a divorce now.” Those are rare situations, but they do happen. But I’m very careful about that because like I said, I like my clients and I don’t want to be adverse to one or the other.
Jill O’Connell:
I understand, I would feel the same way. And I think though, sometimes people do feel like they were on the same side when they were going through that bankruptcy, so probably Theda could represent us in the divorce or represent me in that divorce. As opposed to, it being a lawsuit in their interests although they might both want a divorce or probably going to separate at that point.
Theda Page:
I’ve had a lot of conversations in that regard.
Jill O’Connell:
I would think so. I would absolutely think so.
Theda Page:
Because people say, “I know you do this.”
Jill O’Connell:
That’s what I was thinking. If someone’s out there thinking, “She does both. That’s perfect for me.” Yeah. And one other, I’m going to say areas, should people think about if they find themselves either, maybe the shoes on the other foot, cases are taking a little bit longer now, divorce cases, than they have in the past, simply because of court schedules and dockets. What if they find themselves in the middle of a divorce and think, we’ve got to do a bankruptcy. Is that ever a possibility?
Theda Page:
It is, probably not a Chapter 13, because that is a three to five year situation. But if they qualify, they might be able to do a Chapter 7, and they might be able to get their Chapter 7 over and done with before their divorce is completed, because that timeframe is pretty short. That’s about 90 to 100 days. And so much of that is electronic that there really hasn’t been a COVID slow down. There was a COVID slowdown initially, but I mean, the federal system is running, pretty much train’s running on time, in that regard. You file your case, about 30 days later you have your creditors meeting, 60 to 90 days you have your discharge. So things are running pretty smoothly in that regard. And you know, a divorce can take much longer than that.
Jill O’Connell:
Absolutely. Considering we have a 60 day waiting period at the front end anyway. And those ones that happen on day 61 and day 62 are few and far between as we know. Yes. Well, thank you so much Theda for visiting with me today, about these just very general areas of bankruptcy and specifically that Chapter 13 question. I really appreciate it. And I’m sure that this information can be helpful to those who find themselves in that situation. I appreciate it.
Theda Page:
Thanks for inviting me. I look forward to watching you on One on Wednesday.
Jill O’Connell:
Well, thank you. And before we close Theda, why don’t you tell everybody how they can reach you either phone number or social media. Where can they find you?
Theda Page:
Okay. Phone number is (214) 618-2101, on Instagram on thedapage, T-H-E-D-A-P-A-G-E, so that’s pretty straightforward, and pagelawfirm.com, and that’s P-A-G-E just like page in a book.
Jill O’Connell:
All right. Great. Thanks again Theda. I appreciate it.
Theda Page:
Thank you. Bye!
Jill O’Connell:
Bye!
Theda’s Website: https://www.pagelawfirm.com/